The Expectations Versus the Reality of Returning to the Past

Not everything was as I had expected it to be when I went to visit my family last weekend. I had been giving myself pep-talks and praying that I would be strong enough for this. My hope was that if nothing else come of it, my family would know God by the time I left.

God Had Plans Too

One of the hardest parts for me was to have my family see me as I am now and not the child who left. I should not have expected them to see me differently. It reminded me of Matthew 13:57.

“⁵⁷ And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.””

To my surprise, God showed me that it was not only my family that seen me that way. I had looked at my husband the same way. Nathan, my husband, was the one that God used to show my mother that she could still be saved. He told her of the hope that God provides, Jesus dying on the cross, and Jesus being resurrected. They spoke for over an hour about God. I had not realized that Nathan would have done that. He is normally quiet and would rather listen than speak.

What Did I Learn?

God can use anyone to further His kingdom. He used Paul, as Paul writes in 1 Timothy 1:12-17.

^“12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. ¹³ Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. ¹⁴ The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

¹⁵ Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶ But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. ¹⁷ Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

I must become stronger and more connected to God and His word. There were countless times that I did not turn away from people talking about drama. I just sat there and said nothing. Hearing the drama spoken about so many people constantly made my heart heavy and I said nothing to stop it. I understand that this was their way of “catching me up” but it was all drama. This is written in Proverbs 1:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

I felt so negative afterwards with how heavy my heart had become from taking all that in.

I have so much to work on myself. I need to remember the purpose behind everything. There were numerous times when I tried saying or doing the right thing in my family’s eyes rather than God’s eyes. I wanted their acceptance so much that I felt like a kid again begging for attention. This reminds me of Galatians 1:10.

^“10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I am thankful that we have a loving God who instructs us and corrects us when we do something that we should not. I pray that I can use all that He has shown me to grow closer to Him so He can work through me without me standing in the way. I pray that for all of us.

As always, God loves you, I love you, and I am praying that you have a blessed week! Stay strong in the Lord!